Transplant Eve

It seemed like this day wasn’t going to come.  The hanging TB question on scheduling lingered on and was debated by many.  It started with April (after 9 months of treatment), was scheduled for October 14 (for the minimum 3 month treatment), then ended with my dad’s surgeon willing to risk TB over dialysis – so we arrived at September 22.

It’s definitely been an emotional journey full of ups and downs.  I think I’ve ridden just about every emotion possible.  I’ve laughed until I cried.  And cried until I laughed.  I’ve insisted that everything be in order – from my bank accounts to my closets to my girls to my weeds.  I’m quite sure that I’m driving my people insane.  Distractions are my coping mechanism and I’ve kept them on high speed.

 

Through the magic of social media, I was able to share my journey with many I hadn’t seen in years.  The outpouring of support boosted me from the inside – right after it reduced me to tears on the outside.  The kindness of people has been the best part – especially when it feels like everything else in the world is less than kind. 

The heartfelt private messages I have received have reminded me that I have had a lot of great people in my life.  From an old boyfriend and a college professor who reached out, to the police chaplain that sat at my feet and prayed for me – and everyone in between.  Especially a stranger on this same journey and one who went before us – their friendship has been priceless.

Another thing that I have learned – is that we don’t say ‘I love you’ enough.  Not just to our spouses, children and parents – to everyone.  I’ve heard those three words from so many and realized that they DO love me.  As I love them.  And wondered why we are afraid to tell people.  (Side note – If I told you that I loved you and I creeped you out… my most sincere apologies!)

I’ve had some of the best conversations with people over the last two weeks.  My dad and I have yucked it up on the phone several times.  Humor is our best medicine.  We’ve decided that we put the “kid” in kidney.  And that we’re doing a narcation (narcotics vacation) instead of a staycation this year.  I’ve been able to steal away a few precious moments with those dearest to me and let them know how much I care.  Again, I wonder why we don’t just do this anyway?

I’ve also realized that some people deal with things very differently – by keeping a safe distance.  And I understand that, too.  I know that I sometimes have the tendency to separate myself when I’m scared.  Or don’t know what to say. Or both. 

So, on this Transplant Eve I will do one (or two) more loads of laundry.  I’ll probably vacuum something.  I’ll cling a little tighter to my husband.  I’ll hug on my girls a little longer.  I’ll tell every single person I come in contact that I love them.  Then tomorrow morning I’ll do the hardest thing I have to do – relinquish control and trust that everyone has it covered.